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  • Writer's pictureMark Seevers

Happy Lovers in bed

How to have a successful argument

We all argue because we all have our own beliefs and opinions. What would living together be like if we agreed on everything together? I feel I would not learn new things that my wonderful wife brings to the marriage.

Because we do argue, there's a couple of ways it will end.

1) You both walking away to your corners with steam pouring out your ears. Or

2) Hugging each other while apologizing and walk away, knowing your partner heard you.

Let's look at some ways we can argue without going back to our corners with hurt hearts.

Your Time To Listen

It May seem obvious, but when emotions are running high, each person wants to get their point across. How do we get that point across? We interrupt our partner, tell them they are wrong and why I'm right. A power struggle comes into play, signifying that no one is interested in the conversation or resolution, just in winning and being right. Please do not interrupt each other. Constant interruption states you do not think the other person has anything important to say and that your way is the only way.

The reason for the conversations is to hear each other's points of view. Resist the urge to interrupt and work more on listening to your partner. Repeat what your partner just said so they know you're listening. "I heard you say," then finish the sentence.

Be Humble, Listen Before Speaking

"Give me the gift of a listening heart." – said King Solomon. You may say something that you can't take back, ever. If talking in person is impossible, try written communication, but please stay off the internet; you're communicating personal feelings to each other, not to all your friends and family. Text each other in short sentences. Write a letter or note. However, real-time communication is better. NO CAPS, please. Typing in all caps gives the impression you are shouting. "I LOVE YOU" is permitted. Remember, you do love each other.

Be Caring

When communicating with your spouse or partner, it is crucial not to lose sight that the communication is to make the relationship bond tighter, not break it up.

A) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try to understand why they may feel the way they do.

B) Do they have all the facts? Are they just wanting attention from you? Regardless, treat their feelings as if they are essential.

For example, if your partner expresses concern about not getting invited to a social event vital to them. You, on the other hand, think the whole thing is silly. Restrain from expressing your thoughts and empathize with your partner. "I know this was important to you, but let's try to understand why an invited wasn't sent so that we can get invited to the next event or one similar." It may never happen, but your partner will love you for acknowledging her feelings. It's the little things that are the big things.

No hitting below the belt

Please watch your language. One thing that will terminate effective communication is name-calling or bringing up something that happened a long time ago. Especially a situation that was resolved or forgiven. Please try to avoid the words "you" and "you always." These words will surely take your conversation in a negative direction. Try calling your partner's first name lovingly instead. This technique dilutes anger and changes the tone of the conversation.

Only The Facts

A general rule among long-time married couples is that you can ask about it, but you have to let it go if you can't prove it. In other words, if there is no proof, don't bring it to the table. Suspicion is one thing, but to accuse someone of it, is another matter. Many partners get tired of being accused of cheating. Many cheaters claim they were accused of cheating all the time, so they decided actually to do it. It's normal to be a little jealous when it comes to the love of your life, but it is not customary to express it every time you feel it. Investigating is permitted but not accusing without being sure.

Let me know what you do to make an argument healthy.


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