• Mark Seevers

moving in!


THE MOVE-IN

It's been a week since you moved in. You notice that dishes are piling up; your partner (whose bed was always made) is no longer making the bed and leaves their underwear on the floor.

Your partner sees that you like to squeeze out the toothpaste from the middle of the tube and leave your towels on the floor after you shower. The Empress stage is coming to an end while reality is setting in.

You and your partner are starting to notice that the perfect person next to you is not so perfect.

I mentioned the toothpaste was squeezed from the middle of the tube, towels on the floor after showering, dishes sitting in the sink, underwear all over the bedroom.

We are told not to sweat the small stuff, and in the grand scheme of things, the list above is small.

What about the more important things? I'm glad you asked!

I'm going to list several ideas for you and your partner to think and talk about, hopefully. I hope it leads to a better understanding of where the relationship is heading and what you both expect.

1) Communication - I know, I know! Mark, you're always bringing this up, enough already!

Well, if it weren't that important to the relationship, I would have dropped it a long time ago!

You and your partner should sit down together and find a time each month to "check-in" with each other. Use this time to get caught up on how the relationship is going. What can be improved, and what's going great. Ask your partner what you can do better or differently. When you're asked, always start with something positive about your partner. Remember to use "I" statements, "I want you to know how much I appreciate you taking out the trash," and move away from "you" statements.

"You didn't take out the trash, and you agreed you would do that!" Let's stay away from blaming; you don't like being accused of things; what makes you think your partner does? Do this at a time when you both are relaxed. Don't do talk about it an hour after you or your partner arrives home from work. If you argued that day, reschedule the "check-In" for another time.

2) Trust - Depending on who you ask, this is the number one reason relationships fail. When you plan to live your life with someone you love and care about, you have to be able to trust that person, and they need to know they can trust you as well. When you see a good looking person on the beach in a bikini or speedo, it's okay to look.

If that person comes over and starts flirting with you when they see your partner go for drinks, it's still okay, but the second you flirt back, your trust is being too wavier. When you flirt back, you're telling that person you are interested and signaling to your partner that the trust could be broken if conditions are right.

We will run into better-looking people than the ones we're with. Who makes more money and drives a more stunning car. Take a time out and remember why you chose the one you've committed yourself to love, don't jeopardize your trust for one "flirting" moment.

Join me again next week as I finish "The Move In."


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