The Move In Part 2
Welcome back to the last part of "The Move In." We are going to talk about money and beliefs.
3) Money - Money is another leading cause of ending a relationship.
Before moving in together, you both must understand what's expected from each other financially.
A) What if you or your partner makes a lot more money than the other? Will you split bills evenly, or does one feel like the other should pay more. Maybe they have student loans you didn't know about or a child you were unaware of them having.
B) Will you be putting your paychecks in the same account? Are limits being set on spending out of the account? Will you have a "my account," "your account," and a third for paying bills?
In my first marriage, my wife and I had separate accounts. I knew she liked to spend today and worry about covering the checks tomorrow. After eight years, she started telling me she felt unloved and not trusted, so I opened a joint account. Within six months, all the money was gone, and bills were bouncing. Having a joint account for bills did not work in this situation. However, my now and forever wife and I keep our accounts separate, each of us contributing to the" bills" account. We only dip into the joint account to pay bills and groceries. If one of us forgets the joint card and pay with our personal account, we let the other know why we are drawing from the joint to replace money spent on groceries. It's a win-win in our relationship.
It is important to know if your partner can be trusted to use the account in the way it was meant to be used.
BELIEFS
Beliefs - As a Wedding Officiant, I see many couples who come from different Spiritual backgrounds.
I've married couples who were Jewish, and the other Catholic, another couple that was atheist and Baptist, Lutheran and Methodist, and the list goes and goes.
Who's Faith
If you don't share the same faith, do you plan for your partner to convert? Do they expect you to convert? Don't wait until you move in together to find that you're not on the same page, especially if your faith is important to you.
Children
Are you both on the same page as to how many children you'll have or not have? Maybe your partner was raised in a big family and doesn't want children. Perhaps you were an only child, so your dream is to have six.
A) Childs Faith
Are you on the same page on how the child will be raised when you don't share the same faith? Are you okay with your partner wanting to baptize the children in their faith rather than yours?
A) Child Rearing
Who will be the disciplinarian? Will you both share the responsibility for child-rearing? Are you in agreement on how to discipline?
One of you may be okay with spankings, and the other feels that time-outs are the best way. Are either or both of you willing to compromise?
C) Step Children
How do you feel about your child being disciplined by the step parent? Will they be able to spank, yell or send them to their rooms or will this cause issues between you and your partner?
As you can see, without communication, relationships will at some point start to fall apart. It is so important to sit down and talk these things before making that leap. You don't just get into a boat without doing an inspection, so don't move so fast into a relationship without doing an inspections on what is and isn't expected of your partner.
Let me know in the commits if you used any of the ideas above and how they may have impacted your relationship.
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