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  • Writer's pictureMark Seevers

You found the person of your dreams. Now what?

You have found the person of your dreams, now what? Doesn't matter if you just started dating or you've been on the prowl for a while. You finally meet that person that makes your body shiver (in a good way) when you receive a text or phone call from them. It's hard to concentrate on work because you know you'll be off work in one hour and will get to see that person again.

Now that you have found the dream person, what now? For many, the next step is to move in together. Research shows that many couples move in together within four to six months of dating! Both of you talk about no longer driving to see the other person. You can split rent or mortgage and have more money to do other things together. You both share your dreams of where the relationship could be going. You are in the "butterflies and unicorn" fantasy stage.

Now that you are living together for a few months, you start to see things that the stary eyes didn't see initially. Your partner doesn't like it when you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, you want your bedroom to be clean when you come home after work, but your partner doesn't see the need to make the bed in the mornings. I call this the "Awaking" stage of the relationship. Both of you are starting to wake up to the realization that your partner's "superhero love cape" has holes! This is where many relationships begin to fall apart. This doesn't happen right away, but the signs are starting to appear all around you. Stanford University has a survey saying that "by two years of living together, 70% of those couples have moved out and no longer together. They also say that less than 8% make it past five years.

Why? What happened to that dream you both shared in the beginning? Considerable research shows that most couples move in together before talking about the reality of life, money, open communication, children, friends, parents, and the list goes on. By the time these things come up, you're too invested in the relationship that you can only hope that you can change your partner. OUCH! If this is your thinking, I have sad news for you. It will not happen.

Take your time before moving in together, talk about your long-term goals and dreams. Maybe you may want children in the next couple of years, but your partner may want to travel the world before having children. Maybe your partner wants to work abroad, but you don't want to be that far from family. Now is the time to find these things out. Your partner may be the love of your life, but if each other's goals are drastically different and you don't talk about them, the relationship could come to a bad ending.

Talk first. If your relationship is terrific for the first four to six months, then use the next four to six months to get to know each other's long-term expectations, dreams, and goals. Never think you will change someone to your liking. While you're feeling like this, so may your partner, and 70% of the time, it will not end well for either of you.

Take your time and enjoy, find out if your plans are suitable for both of you. If it is, you will have a wonderful life ahead to continue growing as a couple.


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